Feelings for him blossomed initially. He stood by my side the whole time, whenever I needed to meet, he will be there, when I needed a listening ear, he will be almost 24/7 by his phone, he came to meet me everyday after his work at Jurong Point to smoke, talk to me, pushed me forward and move on after my break up with Joseph. Yes, I fell for him soon after, thinking that he is the right one for me. I should be with him and I will be happy. I no longer need to worry about my bf going out behind my back at night, messaging or be close to other girls, so many god sisters, so hot tempered and finally had someone to take care of me.
Recently, the closer I am to Joseph, the more I feel I had fallen him all over again. It's like.. going from basement 1 to basement 2. It was like another relationship with someone whom you knew for a long time, understanding him and all. Soon after, I lost interest in "him" till the extend I don't look forward to seeing him after work, and to his messages etc.
Then I realised. Loving someone and being together with someone, is all about sacrificing, understanding, listening, feeling sad with him, share his joys, shouldering his burden. No matter how much I tried stopping the love I have for Joseph, the feeling just won't end there. Somehow deep in my heart, I still care, worry, happy for him when he shares his problems with me. That is the feeling one has to the person who meant a world to him/her. No matter how hurt I was, I still want to he there for him. I am willing to be his listening ear, even if it means I will never be with him in a relationship. Yes, I am tired about all those nights he had with his friends out drinking, all the many female friends he has, his bad temper etc. But this was what make me sentimental in our relationship together. Without these, would I have felt anger, jealousy, sadness, worry? I would have been happier, yes. But purely happiness. What about the rest of my emotions? I would then become a robot. But well, I guess he failed to understand this.
It's been an eventful day today. I won't regret and never will. It was that magical moment when everything felt like we were back to those happier times. And then I realise how much I have missed him these 2 months. So magical that I almost teared.
HHT, I just want you to know that, no matter how much you cast me aside, how much you want me out of your life, my promise will never be broken. This is the only promise that I will never break, my love for you will never change. But all I hope for that is, please please sit down and think what kind of lifetime partner you really want and search for that girl. Please don't hurt yourself again by finding someone who doesn't treasure you as much as I do. I will really give you my full blessing when that day comes. I don't care what you treat me as now, really. I just want to be by your side whenever you want someone to share your tears of unhappiness with. You can find someone else to share your joys with. I love you.
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